Day 1 of life - not a good start

baby Ahmad was brought to the nursery for observation...his dextrostix (sugar level) was quite low 2.8mmol/l and i was asked to breastfeed him so that his sugar would go up...i tried to wake baby Ahmad up but he was not interested to breastfeed...his sucking did not sustain...i expressed my colostrum into the 1ml syringe and tried to syringe it into his mouth...some of it was swallowed but most came out from his mouth...

i'm syringing in my precious colostrum into baby ahmad's mouth

not long after that, the paeds consultant, Prof R came to review baby Ahmad...when she was done, she came into my room and explained that baby Ahmad need to be given supplementation to ensure that he would not go into further hypoglycemia... maybe he was hypo thus he had no energy to suck..he was a bit hypotonic as well (one of another feature of Down Syndrome) and the consultant said baby Ahmad needs to do the karyotyping to determine the inheritance of his Down Syndrome...i still wouldn't want to believe that my baby has Down Syndrome, because he looked like a normal baby...we need to wait for the blood test result for about 1-2 month before we can say that baby Ahmad has Down Syndrome..

i reluctantly agreed to supplement baby Ahmad with ready to feed (RTF) formula to keep him out of hypo...in the mean time, i expressed my colostrum so that i could feed him with my precious drop of goodness together with the RTF formula...

baby Ahmad was kept in the nursery under the warmer...i asked for him to room in with me but he had a bit of hypothermia (his body temperature dropped due to cold) and needed to be put under warmer...i managed to get some rest and sleep and so did my dear hubby...deep inside, i really want to hold baby Ahmad skin to skin close to me so that he got to suckle at my breast and got the warmth from my body...

i did not suffer from any complications post delivery, there was no pain probably due to the bolus dose of epidural, the hemorrhoid was not much of problem and my lochia (bleeding) was minimal... except that i was tired and sleepy...i had good lunch and good rest...baby Ahmad was still put under observation in the nursery and was fed with RTF formula 3 hourly...he was out of hypo already, alhamdulillah...but i still couldn't room in with him as he needed the warmer to keep him warm...

at around 3pm+ i asked hubby to get baby Ahmad for me to breastfeed him...but dear hubby told me that baby Ahmad had episodes of desaturation (the oxygen level dropped) to below 90%, the lowest being 80-85% which was not good for him...he had no cyanosis (bluish lips/face) though but the nurses were worried of his unstable condition...so they called the code pink doctor to review...we went to the nursery to be with baby ahmad...i stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead and only Allah knew how i felt at that time...tears kept coming down my cheek, i was feeling very scared if anything happen to my baby...my heart kept on praying for baby ahmad's good health...please let him be out of any danger...

Dr S came and informed us that baby ahmad's oxygen saturation waxed and waned but he looked comfortable and not in respiratory distress...so she encouraged me to keep on breastfeeding him and if his sucking wasn't that good and he still has hypoglycemia, it's better for him to be admitted to the NICU (neonatal ICU) for further monitoring...

we brought baby ahmad to  my room and i tried to breastfeed him...his sucking did not sustain and he slept most of the time...i continued expressing my colostrum and fed him with the syringe...the whole troop came at around 4.30pm, the kids were very excited to meet their little brother...we broke the news regarding baby ahmad's condition and i couldn't help from being teary...all of us were shocked with the news but we continued pray and hope that baby ahmad will be in good health...

imitiaz is so excited seeing baby ahmad

baby ahmad stayed with us for about an hour before he was taken back to the nursery for monitoring...just before maghrib, the kids wanted to see baby ahmad in the nursery so off they went...then dear hubby came back telling us that baby ahmad had oxygen desaturation again and the nurses had informed the code pink doctor to review...Dr R came and informed us that baby ahmad would be better off if monitored in the NICU...so we agreed for his admission to the NICU...after maghrib, we went down to send baby ahmad to NICU...

baby ahmad was brought down to the NICU

baby ahmad was put in his cubicle in the convalescent area, i was given a consent form for baby ahmad to be given formula feeding (which i reluctantly signed).. they were preparing for blood taking procedure on baby ahmad...we heard him scream when they took his romper off (such a high pitched voice)...i was asked to express some milk for baby ahmad...so i took a few syringes and managed to express about 7 ml of colostrum for him (which obviously not enough for 1 feed..he needed about  25 ml of milk per feeding, given every 3 hours)...we left our baby ahmad in the NICU for the night...me and hubby went back to our room feeling helpless...

i took my shower after that and i cried and cried in the bathroom...i felt that i'm the weakest, tiniest creature on earth and i couldn't withstand the stress that I'm having right now...but i needed to stay strong for the sake of baby ahmad and for all of us...i kept on praying for that, no matter what happen to baby ahmad i need to be strong and i need to be there with him when he needs me...i couldn't stop crying that my dear hubby hugged me to console me...nothing could describe our feelings at that time and no words can be uttered to comfort us at that particular moment...we remained silent but kept on holding and hugging each other...i slept that night while holding and smelling baby ahmad's romper that he wore earlier on today...

i received a call from a dear friend KN asking how am i coping and i really appreciate that...another friend KK whatsapp me earlier...those were the few that knew about baby ahmad's condition...few of my friends visited me earlier during the day but we were not ready to tell them regarding baby ahmad's condition...

i slept and woke up at around 4.30am to express some colostrum for baby ahmad...managed to express about 5ml...that was better than nothing...hubby went down to send the precious liquid to NICU...then i continued to sleep until at around 7am...

i took my shower, had my breakfast and got ready to visit baby ahmad in the NICU...hopefully, it's going to be a better day for him and for us...ya Allah, please make it easier for us today and many days to come...ameen..