i have more chromosomes than you

our little angel

the moment of truth...the day that i wished would never come because i'm not ready for it...while we thought the result won't be ready in a month or so, it reached us unexpectedly on friday evening, because dear hubby checked it on the online medical system (OMS) and found it was ready to be retrieved...that's the drawback when you work in the hospital where you are accessible to all the data and results...anyhow, the result read as "findings are consistent with mosaic trisomy 21"...meaning that baby ahmad is confirmed to have down syndrome of mosaic inheritance...

at that moment, my heart shattered, i was hoping and praying for a normal result because for the past 3 weeks what i saw in front of me and what i've been caring for is a normal baby, who is of no difference from my other 2 children when they were babies...i was in denial for a while and i cried..at that time i was nursing baby ahmad and more tears dropped down my cheeks when i looked at his serene face...

my mind was racing through the things that we have to go through after this...the infant stimulation program (my baby has to go to school as early as 2 month old), the follow ups with the pediatrician, the application of special privilege card from the social welfare department and what else...i was very frustrated (and sad) that we have to go through all these things and more to come... i guess that was the right emotion to display...it's not going to be easy journey (i haven't completed my masters and will be sitting for my final exam in may new year and there will be a whole list of plans for baby ahmad) and i wasn't sure how to go through it when the time comes...

it took quite a while to calm my emotion that evening...i repeatedly read through the result trying to understand the whole report (a lengthy ones with foreign terms that i couldn't understand)...i grabbed my iPad and searched for informations on mosaic down syndrome and read through it...after a while, i began to accept the fact that my dear baby ahmad has more chromosomes than any of us...and that little extra makes him an extraordinary special, that always have a special place in our hearts....he was the one i carried inside me for the past 38 weeks and 4 days...he was the one who scratched my womb with his long fingernails (just kidding) and kicking and summersaulting up and down in the tiny space...he was the one who made us worried sick during the labor when his heart beats suddenly became slower and unexpectedly made his way out fast and quick soon after...he is baby ahmad, our baby, our child, who was born out of our pure, extraordinary love...

sometimes i wonder, do i wish we would have known about baby ahmad's condition earlier? i don't know...i never thought of going through the triple tests to detect down syndrome in utero...after all the nuchal translucency on ultrasound was normal and both hubby and i are still young and there are no other risk factors involved to indicate the triple tests needed be done...

if we would have known, i would have worry too much and would be thinking of the worst case scenario...instead, i enjoyed a relatively healthy, happy pregnancy which was not much difference from my previous ones...although i prayed for a healthy, perfect baby to be born, alhamdulillah i am grateful that Allah had chosen me as baby ahmad's mama...He, the Almighty knows what is best for baby ahmad and for us...baby ahmad is indeed a healthy and perfect baby to me and we will ensure that he gets the best of everything from us, as jihan and imtiaz...

i'm not going to think what will happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or next year but to cherish the moment now and enjoying the journey that we'll go through today...we may need to learn some unique features that baby ahmad might exhibit, that can be different  from normal babies and we'll try our best to help him reach his maximum potential to the fullest so that he will be able to attain as normal development as possible...baby ahmad, having you in our life is a miracle and our love for you is endless...

thank you Allah for this special gift...thank you Allah for making us a prefect match...we pray that He will make the journey in nurturing baby Ahmad an easy one, and bless him with a good health and iman...we also pray that He will make us the best parents for our children and give us the strength in bringing our family together towards His righteous path no matter what...Ameen...

baby ahmad with his brother who loves him so much